Who? Us?

We are two disabled, oldish women who have been adventuring through life for years. We are talking about how disabilities, both visible and not, change the way we enjoy our retirement.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Please, no pity.

Do not feel sorry for me. Do not pat me on the head, in fact do not touch me at all unless you know me very well. What is it about being disabled that makes total strangers think they can come up and put their hands on my shoulder?  No one has patted me on my head yet and they best not unless they want to pull back a bloody stump. 

 Good grief, I am not a ‘poor thing’ to be talked over as if I am not there.  I have been talked over in jest, but really having people act as if I am not there is one of the most demeaning things ever.  Don’t do it. If you have something to say, say it to me. I shall respond to you. My ears work fine. You don’t have to talk to your friend or worse yet,  a stranger passing by about how brave I am to be outside by myself. I am 73 years old, old enough to be outside alone. And driving my car does not make me brave either. I’ve been doing that since I was 16 years old, back when the earth was misty. 

And don’t pity me either. No reason to. Nothing is worse than being pitied for any reason. Rolling around to grocery shop certainly doesn’t call for pity. 

“Being an inspiration for us all?” That gets old in a hurry, if it ever started to being with. I have never been inspiring. I have lived a regular normal life, working, paying taxes, conquering problems. Just like you.

I didn’t overcome anything to do what I want to do, go where I want to go. I did those things when I walked. What makes you think I can’t do them now?


  1. Yes, yes, yes - I'm not disabled (though do have a pension and a bus pass) and have been with friends who are similarly enraged by the 'aren't you brave' comments.

    But one thought - and I promise I do my best - when I get it wrong, please tell me without biting my head off. And let me hold a door open for you - I'm sure you did that for others when you could, and now it's our turn to do it for you.

  2. Thank you for your thoughts. I don't often bite heads off, but I admit to doing to occasionally. Yours is safe. Of course, you can hold a door open. It's hard to ask for help, but realize that it can be necessary. When I need one opened, I will find you especially.


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