Who? Us?

We are two disabled, oldish women who have been adventuring through life for years. We are talking about how disabilities, both visible and not, change the way we enjoy our retirement.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Subtle put downs

We are fixated in this country on the way people look. Really, we don't care what men look like, but women?  Oh women must look the right way.  They have to be able to grace a magazine cover and never never ever look 'different.'  And you have ways of letting us know that we are different.  

This post is mainly aimed toward men, but believe me, women can be equally cruel. They do it on purpose. Men just don't know any better.

Remember the very old joke, “For a fat girl, you don’t sweat much.”  That’s not very subtle, but it leads the way down the subtle put down rabbit hole.

And trust me, we hear lots of them….and you don’t even know you are doing it.  

How about, “You are looking great for someone your age.” Nice to hear that, isn’t it?  If I hear that once more, I shall be jailed shortly after doing great bodily harm to the next person who says that.

“You have such a beautiful face.”

"They had that suit in your size?"

How about, “Grey hair looks nice on you.”  Howja like to hear that?

Or, “You sure have adapted well to life on wheels. Did it make you gain weight?”

What about that doctor who pats on the shoulder and then says, “There, there, you will be fine.”

“Too bad you can’t walk anymore. You had such beautiful long legs”

These barbs are spoken by perfectly healthy (usually) men in suits who walk with assurance up to us and throw these words at us. They make us feel as if they are doing us a favor just to be recognized.  If we insist on equality, we hear yet another put down.  They wonder why we want high toilets, ramps, grab bars. After all, we are only a few people and obviously not to be taken seriously.

But we have to keep fighting no matter how long it takes.  And then fight again.

Hell, I’ll take, “For a fat girl, you don’t sweat much.”

When will you ever learn? When will  you ever learn. 



  1. And the (unfortunately) ever popular "Why don't you smile?"
    Gee, could it be because my function is NOT primarily decorative?

  2. OMG, How could I have forgotten that one? The auto mechanic I tore a new asshole for kept insisting that he was going to make me smile.


Talk to us.